Rebecca Arthur’s Blog

A sampling of the cacophony of voices inside this comic’s head

Browsing Posts in Comdey

Photo of the Old Bat Herself

You added a picture of yourself?! What an Ego!!!

If you could get close enough to me…which is difficult at best…you’d see I’m adorned with the middle aged, single woman’s membership badge…cat hair.

My cat’s name is Puss, because when I named her I had writer’s block. I adopted her from an animal hospital, and they picked her out for me. She had been brought back twice because she doesn’t get along with more than one person at a time. So the animal hospital was looking for someone who lived alone…and inside of 30 seconds, they decided I’d be a pretty good bet.

Cats get a bad rap. Like they’re finicky. Okay, they turn their nose up at food from time to time…how would you feel if everything you ate was Ocean Flavored.
Dogs are much worse than cats. Dogs eat what cats bury…I rest my case. Yes, dogs aren’t finicky, but they’re like a $2 whore…they’ll eat anything.

Cats are pretty clean animals. ‘Course if you had an uncle who washed himself in his own spit everyday, he wouldn’t be thought of as clean, but somehow cats pull it off. And cats don’t usually leave droppings around, unless they’re sick or mad. My cat does that…if I don’t give her enough attention…I get a turd. Aren’t you glad people don’t communicate anger that way? Walk into your office one day and find a turd left by a co-worker. I guess it could be useful…you could tell the bad drivers by the number of turds on their hoods.

Puss likes me to chase her…so I can be seen running around my apartment saying “Where’s the Puss…Where’s the Puss…Where’s the Puss.” She likes to run under things I can’t get under…like the car port.

Car Care

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I try to take care of my car…’cause if you’re a comic like me, you figure you’re going to drive it forever. I just wish I could find someplace where they change the oil…and that’s all! No…instead they’re always selling something else…something vital that can’t wait…like…”well, Ms. Arthur, your oil and transmission fluid looks okay, but I’m afraid your glove compartment is really full…and you know those coins, bits of paper and lint, expired insurance papers and unpaid parking tickets have pretty well clogged it up. You might want us to take care of that because if we don’t and you have to stop fast, all those bits and pieces might fly out and injure you…and we don’t want you being buried with the imprint of a nickel on your forehead. Now we have a special today on our glove compartment contents reduction kit that will only cost $49.95 but considering the age of your vehicle you might want to consider adding the special glove compartment protective coating that will help keep the copper from the pennies from causing undue engine wear and contaminating the rest of the car’s body such that it passes through the steering wheel and into your skeletal structure causing you to look like Abraham Lincoln.