Rebecca Arthur’s Blog

A sampling of the cacophony of voices inside this comic’s head

Godzilla

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It’s a little known fact that in the second Godzilla movie, “Godzilla Raids Again”, the fight between the monsters was suppsed to be shot in slow motion, but the camera man screwed it up and shot the scenes in fast motion making the fights even more ridiculous-looking than they probably would have otherwise. The important point in all this, apart from yet another demonstration that I am entirely insane, is that they left the footage in…they didn’t reshoot…what, godzilla was out of town at some comic convention? Did the Godzilla suit fit only one person on the entire planet and that guy was holding out for too many yen? Well, thanks for the goof, it makes the movie more interesting…and shorter.

I am allowing so many people to screw with me. I got talked into a “buyer’s protection plan” (which is probably a joke in and of itself) by B of A. Which in reality turned out to be a weekly reminder of just how crappy my credit was. $13 a month so I wouldn’t forget that the banks thought that I might be digging in their dumpsters. I got so mad…the report didn’t just say “weak” or “very weak”, it said “save your cardboard”.

Well, it’s a Sunday and my head is already at work on Monday. Will I make a mistake?!! Am I working hard enough?!! Do “normal” people think that way? They don’t act like they do. They just live their lives, oblivious to the impending doom they are unlikely to to experience…which in actuality is usually the truth. I guess enjoying the present is an exercise on withholding speculation of the future. I bet that’s what my therpist, “Mistress Harda$$” would say which kind of creeps me out, ’cause I’m afraid to agree with therapists too often because that’s how they get you…you start thinking, “It really is just today”…and you might as well go jump off a cliff ’cause you’ve lost your soul to those creatures who I do not think are so much licensed as hatched…from some type of pod..You’ve lost the one thing that makes us uniquely human…the right to be miserable.

I’m so ashamed…I got this big model of the Titanic on Ebay…the electronic thrift store…and it lights up. Well from the photo it looked like it lights up like the real ship would at night. But that’s not what showed up…what did was a fairly decent model of the Titanic, adorned with Christmas lights. Now I’m embarassed to have it around…It’s like painting butterflies on the Hindenberg so it would look pretty when it was mooring. Course, I do leave it on all the time…if nothing else, the Titanic was a tragady the magnatude of which I can only aspire.

I’m a kind of a drug addict…the kind that wakes up in the morning without the slightest concern about the pair of fishing waders they’re wearing…or for the pile of weasel pelts that now lie on the bedroom floor. I was a big pothead…I’ve been there…I’ve forgotten things like, oh,… my name…I’ve lived the trauma of hearing those fatal words, “no, man, the whole city’s dry”…and then running home and out of desperation, you rip open the cats toy, roll the catnip…yes…I said, roll the catnip…and proceed to smoke it because, hell, the cat gets off on it…my cat shuffles around the pile of catnip I give her and does this little shuffle dance with her front paws…and that’s it…figures…I have a normy cat…anyway, you smoke the catnip and it doesn’t get you high…but you do have a tendancy to use a box instead of a toilet for a week or so…it depends how many times you try it, “expecting different results”.

I was driving down 101 near San Francisco yesterday and was reminded that I am getting older.  I found that I’d been driving for several miles with my turn signal on.  Course, the only reason I didin’t realize it was that I was playing Metallica full blast on the stereo.  So are you an old f_rt if you leave your signal on, even if its caused my rock music????

I wasn’t too fond of flying as it was…I once had a nervous fellow passenger ask how long the flight was…I told him it depended on how far the plane got…anyway, I got on one of those planes with the ends of the wings are turned up…they’re not fooling anyone…they just want cut costs by using smaller hangers.

I’ve got this friend, John Paul. Wonderful heart…but your head’s in for a ride. He told me once that his family was so poor that when the wippers broke on the car, they had to use oven mite. He also claimed that when the car’s transmission went out, for years they only drove backwards. Which in my thinking negates the effectiveness of the oven mits.

Prayer

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I was in a “treatment” center and I remember once they told us that if we had a resentment against someone we should for pray for the person to have what we would want for ourselves. Well, I had a bad breakup, so I prayed for him to have bigger breasts…it didn’t work for either of us.